April 14, 2008.

I keep marvelling at how far I've come from the mess that showed up here ten months ago shaking the Berlin hangover out of her eyes, carrying four pairs of trousers and a laptop on her back, twenty more pounds on her ass and thighs and very little else. I keep thinking back to all those sunsets I was spending at the lake around this time last year, staring out at where the water met the horizon and wondering what the hell I was going to do with myself. I am propelled by unseen forces, held up by invisible hands, blessed in ways I can't even begin to count, so lucky to know the people I know, to do the things I do, to be able to get up every day and see the things that pass into and out of my world. Every day I breathe a silent uptilted thank you to whoever has been pushing me along for this past year. I feel at once like I earned it and that I'm getting more than I deserve. Does that make sense?